Friday, January 28, 2011
I was talking to Kris last night about my past and how Diane has affected every relationship I have had throughout my entire life... It is interesting to realize how one single person can have such a strong and negative affect on your life and personality.
I have an older sister(Heather) and was never close to her in the past.. Diane liked to keep it that way.. for some reason she didn't want any of her kids to like each other.. don't ask me why.. I have yet to find that answer.. but as life would have it we were able to grow and move past the hatred we were taught and finally found each other.
My sister and I in the most recent past couple years have really gotten to know each other better.. and just recently started talking about our childhood... It is amazing how different the childhoods of two people who live in the same house can be.. She was treated horribly by Diane... if you can imagine some of those horror stories you have heard about mothers and their children, you will touch on some of the things that happened to my sister.. that I never knew about until recently.
For me, I had Diane's love for 6 years of my life... and then my brother was born.. I know it sounds dramatic, but her love for me actually ceased once he was born.. that is the Gods honest truth... She no longer wanted anything to do with me.. it is just the way it was.
I am the middle child, and if you want a classic case of middle child syndrome just come and talk to me..lol.. My dad did what he needed to do and took care of my sister, she needed him because Diane was so awful to her from birth. Diane kept me distanced from dad for those 6 years.. so once my time with her was over, I was left with no one.. (not looking for sympathy, just stating the facts ..lol)
Dad says he didn't know how to bond with me by that time.. cause 6 years is a long time.. and I was distant.. but life went on...
My relationship with dad has grown and diminished even more with Diane.. She has done some pretty bad things to me throughout my life.. and I made a decision to no longer give her the option of doing those things..
I still feel sad sometimes that I don't have a mom.. but I can tell you this.. last night .. when I was recalling some things from my childhood with Kris, for the first time in a long time.. I smiled about it.. not because of the things that happened.. but because I have a sister now..
I have the sister that I have always wanted to have.. one that talks to me.. shares memories with me.. cares about me. .. I have something I have been searching for.. for a very long time. Something that was taken away from me when I was a child .. I am so thankful that things between my sister and I have finally been repaired.. I love you Heather and I am glad you are my sister. :)