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Friday, January 28, 2011

Finally Sisters...


I was talking to Kris last night about my past and how Diane has affected every relationship I have had throughout my entire life... It is interesting to realize how one single person can have such a strong and negative affect on your life and personality.

I have an older sister(Heather) and was never close to her in the past.. Diane liked to keep it that way.. for some reason she didn't want any of her kids to like each other.. don't ask me why.. I have yet to find that answer.. but as life would have it we were able to grow and move past the hatred we were taught and finally found each other.

My sister and I in the most recent past couple years have really gotten to know each other better.. and just recently started talking about our childhood... It is amazing how different the childhoods of two people who live in the same house can be.. She was treated horribly by Diane... if you can imagine some of those horror stories you have heard about mothers and their children, you will touch on some of the things that happened to my sister.. that I never knew about until recently.

For me, I had Diane's love for 6 years of my life... and then my brother was born.. I know it sounds dramatic, but her love for me actually ceased once he was born.. that is the Gods honest truth... She no longer wanted anything to do with me.. it is just the way it was.

I am the middle child, and if you want a classic case of middle child syndrome just come and talk to me..lol.. My dad did what he needed to do and took care of my sister, she needed him because Diane was so awful to her from birth. Diane kept me distanced from dad for those 6 years.. so once my time with her was over, I was left with no one.. (not looking for sympathy, just stating the facts ..lol)

Dad says he didn't know how to bond with me by that time.. cause 6 years is a long time.. and I was distant.. but life went on...

My relationship with dad has grown and diminished even more with Diane.. She has done some pretty bad things to me throughout my life.. and I made a decision to no longer give her the option of doing those things..

I still feel sad sometimes that I don't have a mom.. but I can tell you this.. last night .. when I was recalling some things from my childhood with Kris, for the first time in a long time.. I smiled about it.. not because of the things that happened.. but because I have a sister now..

I have the sister that I have always wanted to have.. one that talks to me.. shares memories with me.. cares about me. .. I have something I have been searching for.. for a very long time. Something that was taken away from me when I was a child .. I am so thankful that things between my sister and I have finally been repaired.. I love you Heather and I am glad you are my sister. :)

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Allergies & The Chiropractor

Well, I went back the other day to take a look at my xrays, can't really say it was good news.

I have obvious misalignments.. so much so that Kris even noticed it on my xray.. I have also lost 1/3 of the curve in my neck... not good.
My right leg is even shorter than my left due to the misalignment.. and I have bone spurs on my spine (calcium deposits that develop on the spinal bones) Which is the beginning of rheumatoid arthritis. Also not good.

I also went to my regular doctor to talk to her about my allergies and the constant headaches I have. She gave me a script for a nasal spray and claritin .. and told me she wants me to "irrigate" my nasal passages twice a day.. that is interesting to say the least.. So far my headaches haven't changed.. but I have only been doing this for two days.. She said when I go back on the 17th that if things haven't changed I will be having another cat scan to see what is going on.

Kris wants me to continue getting adjustments with the chiro to try and help all the issues I have. I am trying my best to sit and stand up straight ... but a lifetime of slouching makes that hard..

Anyways, so that is what is going on with me... fun stuff..lol

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Dick Masterson> DO NOT BUY HIS BOOK!


There is a book going around right now called Men are better than Women... My husband received this book as a Christmas present.. So I decided to read it..

I am not one to go with political correctness.. ever.. or even get offended easily.. but I can tell you without a doubt that this book made me ANGRY!

First of all I cannot believe people are buying this crap! The world is supporting a man whose made it his life to talk badly about ALL women. Yes! ALL women. To get an idea of what I mean here is an excerpt from his Dr. Phil visit..



And here are some thoughts from another man on that idiot.
Click here for another Man's point of view on DICK!

Seriously! Please do not buy this book! Do not support this man! We will be getting rid of this book very quickly because I do not want it in my house at all!

Cats....


I have always been a cat person... I love that they are independent and I do not have to baby them. I do not need another child, I want a companion and that is what a cat is to me..

Unfortunately when we left Florida to come to San Diego the first time we had to leave our cats behind to be cared for by someone else and unknown to me they were given to another family. I had every intention of taking them back once We left CA but now that isn't possible.. I miss my Artemis all the time and feel bad for leaving him. It has been over three years now and I still do not want another cat because I feel it would be unfair to Artemis. I hope that wherever he is, he is happy.

Anyways, the whole point to this post was how great cats interact with one another. They will attack each other violently roll around fighting and then get up and pretend like nothing ever happened.. Can you imagine if you and your friends acted this way...
Talk about tension relief! lol
Randomly fighting without getting angry or holding grudges. How wonderful! lol

Alas that is not to be, but I just thought it was an interesting thought anyways.

So this was just me sharing my deep love for Cats, the cat that will always be mine Artemis, and the interesting nature they have.

Nimitz Ball

Last night was the Nimitz Ball.. we were very excited to go as the last one we had gone to was beautiful, extravagant, and lots of fun!

This time however, the venue left A LOT to be desired. It was crowded very crowded and had a super small dance floor. They gave away a lot of great prizes and even one of our friends won $500! Wish that could have been us! lol..


We still had a pretty decent night hanging out with some friends and talking.. and of course Nicole was kind enough to stay with the kids while we went. I am hoping that the Navy ball in October is better than the Nimitz ball was.

So here is a picture of us at the ball.. :)
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Wednesday, January 19, 2011

A trip to the Chiropractor...

Now I have never really been one to go to doctors much. .and definitely not for every little thing.. but I got a groupon for a free 1 hour massage, exam, xray, and adjustment at a chiropractor in Port Orchard...for only $37 bucks.. In my opinion the massage alone is worth that.. so I did it today.. I had my massage and as the lady was doing it she was commenting on how knotted all of the muscles in my shoulders are.. she tried her best to get them out.. but there are still some left.. It is definitely better though.. and she was wonderful and nice..

After my massage I met the assistant and then the chiropractor.. they asked me a bunch of questions about pain, did a physical exam and then took xrays.. they even stayed past closing time to do all of this for me...

So.. after my xrays I go into the exam room and wait for the doctor to finish reading them... He came into the room looking confused.. he asked me if I had ever seen a full spine xray of my own before.. and I said no.. he stuttered around quite a bit as he told me that in the 2 years he has been working for this office he has never seen someone as far out of alignment as me.. he said my spine was very literally 2 inches from where it was supposed to be... He said he couldn't believe that I wasn't in pain all the time..

Which I am but it is headaches and not backaches.. He looked so confused as to how I was walking around..lol.. He then did a check on me to see how things line up (apparently one of my legs is longer than the other due to some of my alignment problems, which I knew from a previous physical therapist)

Then he did an adjustment.. it was interesting.. kinda felt good even.. now I am just relaxing and thinking sleep is going to take over me very soon...

goodnight from yours truly the crooked spine lady.. haha

Sunday, January 16, 2011

5 years.... Where does the time go...

It seems like only yesterday I was pregnant with Tristan..Now my baby boy is 5.. he starts school this year... Time seems to move by faster everyday..

Tristan is my picky boy.. he is very emotional and loving... I wonder what him going to school is going to bring us.. I am hoping for the good and preparing for the bad.. My boys love to wrestle and since he isn't around other kids much I am hoping that I have taught him well enough not to play that way with other children.

Without further adieu .. here is my baby .. then till now..


Tristan

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Last picture...lol.. This was on his actual birthday yesterday...
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My baby has slipped away and I have a little man now..

Monday, January 10, 2011

My Studio...

I have made a small decision that has made me feel much better... I am going to bring my backdrop stands in the house and keep them and my backdrops close to the living room so that I can do "studio shoots" in my living room.. I won't be able to set up my big lights.. but I will use my small floods that can be put away easily and and I am very happy about that! I will be setting up the first time to take some pictures of Tristan for his 5th birthday.. Probably on the Sunday after his birthday since we have things planned for his actual birthday on sat. and a party for him on Friday..

We are going to take him to the Monster Truck show in Tacoma for his birthday.. I think all of the kids will love that..lol..

Sooo.. I have some rearranging to do with my totes which I am thinking about getting done today since I have no other plans for the day.. ... and am now feeling a stronger need to get things organized and get rid of unnecessary stuff... That will make it easier for me to get to all the things that I really need when I need them..

I am thrilled with my decision to bring back my studio on a very small scale.. a year without it is just horrible! lol

Just an Update..

Well, although the motivation still isn't here I have been feeling better.. I did a small amount of exercising with Kris last night.. just some crunches.. but it was nice that he wanted to do it with me.. I try to get him to play my "workout" games with me all the time but he declines..lol..

I have been doing better at cooking more often so that is good.. I have never been much a fan of cooking although I am pretty good at it.. lol.. I think I just hate cleaning up afterwards.. lol.

Yesterday I got to hang out with Nicole for a few hours and go to random stores... that was enjoyable.. I love being able to go out with my friend(s) and enjoy the day without having to worry about the kids.. that is always relaxing.

As Nicole and I meandered around in Barnes & Noble looking at the discount books I of course said that I wanted to write an autobiography... then I retracted that statement and said actually I would like to tell someone my story and have them write a biography for me..lol.. I think that it would be rather interesting.. I know when I look back on my life I have a few crazy stories to tell..lol.. Of course it may end up being sold at the dollar tree.. but hey... better than 50 cents... right? lol.

Today I woke up to snow falling.. I love watching the snow fall, I find it very relaxing... I am hoping for a nice blanket of it so that I can try and take at least one of the kids outside for some pictures.. probably Mcleod since he seems to be the least impervious to cold..lol. We shall see though...

Friday, January 7, 2011

Melancholy....


I think this is a good word to describe how I have been feeling lately..
mel·an·chol·y
   /ˈmɛlənˌkɒli/ Show Spelled [mel-uhn-kol-ee] Show IPA noun, plural -chol·ies, adjective
–noun
1. a gloomy state of mind, esp. when habitual or prolonged; depression.
2. sober thoughtfulness; pensiveness.

Why? It isn't just one thing really.. it is many things.. I am not comfortable with my physical appearance.. and that is a big part of it.. I don't like what I see when I look in the mirror.. sounds shallow I am sure.. but it is what I feel.. My age is more obvious in my face day by day.. the fact that I have been unable no matter how hard I have tried to lose this weight.. I mean if 5 months with a trainer can't make me lose a single pound.. and counting calories to the point of frustration for 9 months and only losing about 5 pounds.. I admit, I have given up.. I am tired..

Tired of counting calories... tired of portion control.. tired of trying.. but also tired of being fat.. and tired of hating myself.. I was in a great place before I got pregnant with Alora...I was happy with my figure.. I looked good in pictures without wearing a girdle.. but this isn't all...

I have noticed more and more hair on my face as time has gone on.. I have ignored it.. it was blond hair.. so i ignored it.. today I had enough... I waxed and plucked what was almost a full beard.. my husband doesn't even grow as much hair on his face as I do.. I feel like crying... but now for the first time in since I cannot remember when.. I do not have so much hair all over my face.. I wish that made me feel better.. but it doesn't..

He said to me the other day.. what do YOU do all day? The problem is.. he is right.. I don't do anything... I am just... here.... I am a nobody.. I have no job.. I don't even want a job.. I have no desire... no motivation.. no driving force.. I would stay in this house and never leave again and it wouldn't affect me I don't think... I prefer to have friends that come to me because I am just that lazy..

The one thing that I absolutely love doing .. and have an aching to do.. I cannot.. because I cannot make any money at it.. there is too much competition.. I do not want to fight with other people for customers.. so I have given up that in a way also..

The field that I have trained and studied for .. for 4 years of my life.. because I want to be a counselor.. I still cannot.. I have to go to school for another 2 years to do that.. I am tired of school.. I am tired of stupid teachers that try to make themselves feel better by grading unfairly.. Don't get me wrong.. I made straight A's in college.. except for in Math class..lol.. but there were a couple papers I should have had much higher scores on.. and that is not just me being snide.. my teacher very literally picked out a word that she didn't like in my paper.. and took off points for it.. nothing that was against APA or that ruined the flow of the paper.. just a word that she didn't like personally.. so yeah..

Anyways...so.. I guess that is it.. you know the funny thing is .. not too long ago I felt pretty happy about my life.. then I asked Kris if he was happy.. he said.."for the most part" .. .. .. I have to say.. it kinda crushed me.. as dramatic as that sounds.. he said it only had to do with his work life.. but that is hard for me to believe.. for many reasons.. that I will not divulge in this all too public post.

The one thing I can say that I am still very happy about is being a Navy Wife... I didn't think I would enjoy it.. but I do.. I am proud of Kris being a sailor.. I am proud to be his wife.. I just wish that he were more proud of what he does instead of always wanting to be doing something else.

I remember our life before the navy.. he was working two jobs.. and they both sucked.. I remember when I was working... and how much it sucked.. how everyday I was worried if tomorrow I would have a job.. I hate that insecurity.. I know that soon I will be forced to go back to that life.. and I am scared.. it makes me want to start college again now.. but I missed so much being in college the last 4 years.. I don't want to do it again till my kids are in school.. plus .. I really hate school.. lol..

Well.. this turned out super long.. but that is what happens when I have so much to say I suppose..
So.. there it is... some insight into me.. during my melancholy days... I get this way sometimes..

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Insomnia?

I have never looked up the meaning of this word before.. so here it goes..

in·som·ni·a
   /ɪnˈsɒmniə/ Show Spelled[in-som-nee-uh] Show IPA
–noun
inability to obtain sufficient sleep, esp. when chronic; difficulty in falling or staying asleep; sleeplessness.
Use insomnia in a Sentence
See images of insomnia
Search insomnia on the Web
Origin: 1685–95; < L, equiv. to insomn ( is ) sleepless ( in- in-3 + somn ( us ) sleep + -is adj. suffix) + -ia -ia


This was from dictionary.com

Well, according to this definition.. that is exactly what I am dealing with.. I have had problems staying asleep for as long as I can remember.. I wake up several times throughout the night..usually to pee...sometimes from dreams or nightmares.. but rarely if ever have I actually slept through an entire night.. I even try not to drink anything during the day so that I won't have to pee at night.. it doesn't help.. if the slightest amount of liquid is in my bladder it feels unbearable at night..

The funny thing is I will be tired throughout the day.. ready for bed.. ready for sleep... then I will lay down .. and nothing.. sleep doesn't come... if this was only once in awhile it wouldn't be a big deal but it is virtually ever single night..
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The night before last I fell asleep by 1030.. but woke up about 15 times..several of those were just waking up for the sake of waking up and about 4 other times were to go to the bathroom.. so to say the least I am not getting the rest that I need..

Problem is.. I don't know what to do about this.. I haven't been falling asleep before 2am on most nights.. last night was after 3....so does anyone else have this problem? I am sure there are many of you out there that do.. as a matter of fact I recall many times seeing middle of the night fb posts of people saying that they could not fall asleep.. so to all those ladies.. I feel your pain..

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

First Velashape Appt.

Ok, so I had already paid for 3 velashape appts. with Athenix through Groupon .. so today was my first appt. here is how it went..(velashape is a non-invasive procedure for smoothing cellulite and the possible tightening of skin)

I showed up at the appointment time and they laid me on a bed and ran this wand over my stomach ... the wand has lots of rollers on it, heats up, and kinda sucks your skin..I would say it felt like my stomach was being vacuumed..lol... it was mildly uncomfortable at first then when the heat kicked in it wasn't really uncomfortable at all.. afterward I didn't feel any different... They say that it takes about 6 times of going before you notice a difference.. so we shall see..They also said that it should feel like I have been doing crunches but as of right now I am not feeling much of anything..other than the soreness in my legs from jogging yesterday.. and my arms are STILL sore from boxing with my golds gym wii game a few days ago! lol..

They also told me that any time I am taking a shower or in warm/hot water that I should massage the area to help with collagen production..hmm...