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Friday, March 25, 2011

Stress....


The stress of life has gotten to me lately.. Normally I am very good at separating myself from all of the craziness.. but lately.. not so much..

My emotions have gotten the better of me and I have been rather sad ... I don't like being sad.. Kris and the kids have been wonderful.. they do their best to cheer me up.. and make me feel better.. but I am not even sure if they understand what is going on...

I have had to make some very hard decisions.. mostly for my own well being.. Not many things last forever... so in order to rid myself of stupid girl emotions I did what I felt I needed to do..

Sometimes things in life change and there is nothing that you can do to go back to the way it was.. and that is ok.. we all have to change and grow ... we get better as we get older.. we learn more.. we grow more..

I will continue to grow and change, hopefully for the better.. I am determined to be a better person tomorrow than I am today.. Change is never easy.. but it is the purpose of life.. to experience change is to experience new things.. to grow.. to learn.. and I want to always learn..

I want to know more tomorrow than I know today.. I want to be a good influence on those around me. .. I want to leave behind sorrow and bath in the sunshine of happiness.. My family brings me so much happiness ... all of the sorrow I have felt lately has come from relationships outside of my family.. I will repair the ones that I can.. and move on from the ones that I cannot..

I will not let myself dwell on sadness because that is what I used to do.. who I used to be.. but it is not who I am now.. so when sadness starts to invade my life then it is time for more growth.. time to study myself and see where it comes from.. time to do what needs to be done to find the right road..

Find the happiness in your life.. do not let anything external affect how you feel about yourself.. I have done that too often in my life.. Rejection is a part of life we all must deal with .. some of us take it harder than others.. I know I tend to take it pretty hard because of my past...but I am working on it.. working on myself.. working on fixing it.. still have a long way to go.. but I will get there..

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Scattered...


Things have been crazy in my life lately.. I started running to train for a 5k...

Lost some friends over.. well.. not really sure what happened ...

Found comfort from family and a couple other unexpected sources.. Been spending a lot of time alone unless I am running and then I have some great running partners that I am super grateful for..

Been staying away from the internet more and more... only going on ASA to run maintenance... and have no desire to go there at all... shear boredom sometimes leads me there.. but not often..

I have been watching the seasons of Heroes and enjoying it.. having crazy dreams .. a hard time falling asleep .. and a hard time staying asleep..

I scheduled my surgery for May 12th and I am looking forward to it.. happily one of my good friends has offered to drive me home in the case that Kris cannot get the day off to do it. Still have to find a babysitter though..

I have so much that I want to say..but I do not know how to say it right now..
I know this post is all over the place.. but that is really how i have been feeling lately..

Kris and my sister have been wonderful during this confusing time in my life.. They have been there to listen to me and offer a shoulder.. I don't know what I would do without them..

I have found myself at the sharp side of the sword and feel as though it has been repeatedly plunged into my chest... sounds dramatic I know.. but it is a type of anxiety that I have no other way to explain right now.

I am working through it ... but letting go of people in your life when you cannot understand why they left leaves a lot of confusion.. So I am looking to God for peace and understanding as he is the only one that can give that to me.

Blessed be..
Pamela

Thursday, March 10, 2011

It has begun!

The C25K that is! I started my running on Tuesday.. It was a beautiful day out so I ran outside for my first 20 minute run.. Then when I came back home I did some yoga.. That stretched out my muscles who are not so used to doing much of anything and made them feel much better..

Then that afternoon I went to the gym with Photina, it is great to have someone to go with that motivates and encourages me. I don't think I would be able to keep up with this program without her support. So Thank You P! I really really appreciate it, you have no idea how much!

Day 1 was hard.. I found it really hard to continue jogging for the 1 minute intervals .. which is really sad... it is 1 minute of walking and a minute and a half of walking.. I felt like I was going to pass out, but somehow I finished.

Yesterday was Day 2 and my legs and hips were very sore.. but I went to the gym with Photina like we had planned and did my routine .. and this time it was a little easier to jog for the minute.. I was going at a little slower of a pace this time but I did it non the less.

Today is my day off, mainly since Kris has duty so there is no one to watch the kids for us to go to the gym and the children area of the gym doesn't have 2 treadmills.. So we will be back to it on friday.. and weirdly enough, I am looking forward to it! Me, the girl who hates working out..haha.. I think that I am looking forward to it so much now because I have someone to do it with... that really does make a lot of difference.

So in order to lock in this routine I have also done another thing that I never thought I would do.. I registered my niece Mystry and myself for the See Jane Run 5K... I have to say, I am scared that I won't be able to finish.. but I am really hoping .. I will have to take a time out in my training because I am having surgery in May, but down time shouldn't be too long.. and I will still be able to walk.. just not jog... The run isn't until July 17th.. so I should be fine.. especially since the C25K says it will have you able to run a 5K in only 2 months.. So.. here it goes.. I paid the money.. there are no refunds... I am doing this!

Friday, March 4, 2011

C25K


I have been considering running for a long time now.. I think about it often.. I have even tried it once or twice.. but I have to say that my lungs were not happy in this cold weather..lol.. I have a sort of exercise induced asthma.. and as of yet I haven't talked to my doctor about it to get a new inhaler.. Well I have an appt. on monday so I will be doing that then..

Then on Tuesday I will be starting the Couch 2 5K.. and to say the least I am nervous that I will not be able to do it.. but I have been encouraged by Photina @ One guy in a house of girls.. She told me about an app that I can download on my phone that tells me when to walk and when to jog.. so I have no more excuses.. I am starting this on Tuesday.. I downloaded the app as soon as she told me about it..

The only thing left to do is get some head phones that I can plug into my cell and then get going.. My niece loves to run so I am thinking that if I can actually do this and get my body in shape then Her & I can run a 5K this summer while she is here.. Wouldn't she be surprised..haha..

So, wish me luck! I bought my running shoes yesterday... I am ready to get some endurance!

CT Scan....& Mammogram


On Jan. 24th I went in to the doctor for both a CT Scan and a Mammogram.. My mammogram came back good..film was absolutely clear.. great news..:) btw.. for all you ladies wondering.. The mammogram was not nearly as bad as everyone makes it out to be... uncomfortable.. yes.. but the pain was minimal.... I expected to be close to or in tears with all the boob smashing from what I had previously heard about it.. but it is not nearly as horrifying as people have said.. so ladies... don't be too concerned about the discomfort.. the scan is well worth it if it can save your life!


Well, yesterday my CT Scan results came back.. I have to say that I got a little more information than I had bargained for... I already knew that I have a deviated septum.. I found that out with my last CT.. but the doctor added a few things.. I also have thickening of the nasal passages with chronic sinusitis and ......... a bone spur.. yeah..


So, now I am being referred to the ENT specialist.. I can just imagine how they are going to want to fix this.. they are going to want to do surgery and shave off the bone spur.. this does not sound fun to me...in fact it sounds extremely painful.. I don't think I would do it if they offered.. now if they offer to clean out my nasal passages I would probably say yes to that.. although I am sure it would still suck.. but not as much as shaving off a bone spur..

So now I know what is wrong with me.. and why i have constant headaches.. and now you know too..lol.. Since not many people know that I have constant headaches..... because usually they are not severe or crippling.. just constant... Luckily since I have been seeing a chiropractor those have calmed down too.. Thank God for small favors!

So the next step for me is to make an appointment with the ENT.. and I am supposed to do that on Tuesday.. but I already have an appt on Monday cause they said I needed one to discuss the results of my scan with my Doctor.. guess I didn't need that appt. after all since my doc called me..haha... oh well..

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Can you HEAR me?

Throughout my life I have run into some people who have found it funny to mispronounce words.. or even use them in the wrong context.. I can find humor in that most of the time.. I start having a problem when people honestly don't know the difference! So here is a list for you of words that I see frequently misused or mispelled .. with a little help from The Oatmeal of course!

Now on to the words...

I HEAR you! Not I HERE You! Hearing is what you do with your ears! You are HERE is where you are, not what you are listening to!
I take a picture, Not a pitcher! You put your tea in a PITCHER! It is not what you immortalize moments on!
I want to go to THEIR house! Not There house! THEIR is what you use when referring to PEOPLE who are possessing something! There is a place! Oh, and They're means THEY ARE!
If I am selling an item .. It is not For SELL! It is for SALE!!!

You can lose your wallet, not LOOSE it... Loose is what you would consider a girl that sleeps around not the absence of your wallet!

The correct use of YOUR is to posses something... Like Your car, or YOUR wallet.. YOU'RE Means YOU ARE! like You're an idiot for using this word wrong!

The effect you have on me is that i want to rip my hair out! This is kinda like being affected by crazy people.

Please remember that A LOT of you think alot is a word... but it isn't... figure it out..

Oh and one more thing... Monday through Sunday is a WEEK.. not a WEAK... You feel WEAK... you don't feel WEEK...

If you think I am wrong.. Well, we have already determined that you can't even use words correctly so what do I care what you think...