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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Frustrations

I don't know why but lately I have been rather irritable.... I assume it has to do with the fact that my husband is going to be leaving very soon and gone for a long time and the thought of having to do all of this alone is frustrating.. I hate being a single parent.. but that is the life we chose... sigh.. doesn't make it any easier I will tell you that.. In only two short days I will be leaving the love of my life to fly to CA alone... to pack all of our things and get them ready to be put into storage.. while I am there I will get to spend some time with some of the best friends I have ever had so i am really looking forward to it but then again.. I am dreading it cause that means less time with Kris.. :( .. He will fly in around the 3rd and we are going to head up to Vegas for a night.. so we can just relax in a room and enjoy each others company without thinking about all the work we have to do and the impending separation ... I am very thankful that I have some wonderful friends that are going to help me pack all of our junk... and I owe so much to them.. I think just writing this down has helped me a little.. I hate when I get this way...
Last night I recorded some video's of Kris talking to the kids.. it helps them to remember him and feel closer to him.. especially the youngest one.... I had him read a book on camera called Love you forever.. and I cried the whole time he read it... I will be playing that one for Alora as we are reading the book together at night.. I can never read it out loud myself cause I cry .... ( I know I am a big baby..lol)
Anyways.. I have a lot of work to do while he is gone.. getting myself back to an acceptable weight is #1 on my list.. I was only 10 lbs away when we left CA .. now .. well.. I am almost 20 lbs from my goal.. yeah.. I have been eating that much.. I did join the YMCA here which I admit i have not gone to in the past few weeks for wanting to spend time with Kris.. but I will be going once I get back to CA as that will be my main reprieve from having the kids 24/7 since they have free childcare..
Well this has just gone all sorts of ways into a bunch of rambling...
Just so you all know.. you are not alone... these random frustrations and moments of pointless anger that occur .. they happen to us all sooner or later.. but I can say for me that writing things down has always helped me to feel better and to let go of some of the things that are holding me down... that's all for now...

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