Just a few things

It has been over a month since I have updated, and honestly I didn't even realize it has been that long. Since then Kris has gone to Florida for a week at the end of May for a class of course on his birthday..so the day he came back I had a small party here for him. He seemed grateful.. :) His friend brad came to visit for almost 2 weeks.. and the day he left My oldest Niece Mystry flew in! Yes! She got to spend two weeks here with me and it went by way to fast. I hope to see her again next summer and possibly my middle niece too. We shall see. We are still waiting on the paperwork to schedule our move to WA. Hopefully that will get here soon so that we can actually get a place to live before we get there. I also figured out a way around having to drive alone just in case Kris cannot get the time off.. Dad is going to come here in Nov. and drive up with me/us. :) I am so excited about that. So things are going pretty good, now if i only had a maid and nanny things would be wonderful..lol.. I guess that is about it for now.

Just a few thoughts...

My life has been a mixture of good and bad... in the past when I was growing up, it was more bad than good.. Nowadays.. it is more good than bad..and I am so thankful for that.

I have friends that have been my friends for years, I have new friends who will be my friends for years to come. I have great kids, (most of the time..lol) a wonderful husband (again most of the time.. lol) and wonderful friends.

It is hard to imagine that only a few years ago things were so much different. There were people I had known for a long time, but I didn't really consider them "friends". There wasn't anyone that I really talked to .. even my relationship with my Dad was pretty non-existent and with my sister it was completely non-existent. I wanted all of that to change, but I wasn't sure how.. I can tell you that the biggest thing that changed in my life back in 2005 was ME .. yep.. ME... How could I expect someone to want to be friends with me if i was always in a bad mood and always negative.. I mean would you really want someone like that around you? I know i wouldn't..
So .. how did I change.. well.. it started with going back to College.. I started taking my classes and then came my Human Service Ethics class... the absolute best class I have ever taken! What a revelation this class gave me! During the class I was required to read a book called " I never knew I had a choice" it was the best book I have ever read! This book was about looking within yourself and finding out why you are the way you are. What is causing it.. and how you fix it! I realized that the anger I harbored for things that occurred in my past was only hurting me.. I learned how to be happy! Yes, you can learn how to be happy!

You know, it is amazing the transformation i have made, and am still making.. If you ask the people that met me in 2005 and prior to that year, they will tell you that their first impression of me, was that I was a Bitch.. and I hated hearing that.. but it was true.. that is how i portrayed myself.. even when i didn't mean to..
Recently I have spoken to my friends (yes i have some wonderful friends now) and asked them what their first impression was of me.. and to my surprise.. it was that i was a nice person, sweet, or friendly.. and they couldn't believe that others thought of me as a bitch! I couldn't believe my ears! lol.. I am becoming the person I have always wanted to be.. the outgoing friendly person whom others are comfortable being around! I attribute this to the work that I have done on myself.. guided by that book I mentioned earlier, and my faith in GOD.. remember GOD helps those who help themselves.. so when I started helping myself.. he sure did push me in the right direction.. :)

I am not sure why I am posting this, I guess I just felt the need to express some of my Joy in the written word.. and let everyone know that you do not have to be unhappy.. get that book! read it! and do the work inside yourself and you will see a change that you will love! You don't have to be religious to be happy.. find the person that you were meant to be.. a happy person..

My Best Forever Friend Nicole & I

Mother's Day

Why I Hate Mother's Day----For me this day is not a symbol of myself becoming a mother (even though that is what it should be) Instead, this day symbolizes the thing i will never have... a mother. My own "mom" has treated me like second best since my brother was born when I was 6. She has blamed my sister and I for everything that has gone wrong in her life and actually believes that these things are our fault.. I tolerated her cruelty for many years but in 2002 when she did something unforgivable that involved my child that ended it. I decided to no longer let her be a part of my life, since she was never a good part of it you would think it would be a happy moment. However, no matter how evil a mother is ..it is hard to let go of the need to have your mother in your life. I have forgiven her for my own sanity for the things she has done, but that does not bring me any closer to understanding them. Sadly although I have not had contact with her in 7 years (other than when i called her during a hospital stay to say i love you) she still manages to say bad things about me. Yes, she has continued to talk down about me to my sister even though i am not in her life. She did this via email that my sister then sent to me. My sister and I have only recently become friends.. it has taken years of work to undo the brainwashing that Diane has put us both through .. she taught us to hate each other.. sad i know.. but true. Diane even once told heather a few years past that she had a "Nightmare that Heather and I became friends" yep.. exact words.. what kind of "mother" believes it to be a nightmare when her daughters are friends.. sigh..

So that is just a little taste of how this day upsets me. .. I always spend at least some time that day crying over what I have lost.. what I will never have.. and the fact that I can never change that... I do have twinges of jealousy over people that have mothers they can talk to .. that love them.. and want to go shopping with them.. or do anything.. Don't get me wrong though, I am extremely happy for the people that have this also.. I just wish that I could have it to.

I am lucky to have a wonderful MIL who enjoys doing things with me .. and as much as I love her, unfortunately that does not heal the wound left by the biological mother that i should have but do not. It has gotten easier over the years to live without Diane, as i am sure it will continue to get easier as more time passes.. but Mother's Day is that one day that makes it extra hard to live with. So there it is.. a little more insight into me..

I am so happy to be a Mother and know that my relationship with my children will never be the way that my relationship with Diane is and I am thankful for that. I pray that every mom out there can see how important their relationship with their children is and never have to deal with what i have.
So Happy Mother's Day to all the GOOD Mom's out there who care for their children and love them with all their heart. We are building the future with our love and I know one day when my kids are older, mothers day will be a special time to spend with them until then, i will try to work on myself and heal the hurt that was done long ago. Thankfully I have a loving husband, mil, and beautiful children to help me. <3

For the moment

Well... Kris is home now, after a long 7 month deployment..He was able to spend two weeks at home after the ship came in on leave, which was nice, it sucked that he had to go back to work. I am starting to wonder if it isn't better to take second leave, cause the guys that had to work when the ship first came back only had to go in on their duty days... and it definitely isn't that way for Kris now.
Mcleod got his braces on today which means he is hurting, but you really can't tell.. I am glad that we are able to get him braces now so that he never has to experience what i went through as a teenager being made fun of for having crooked teeth... children are evil little creatures... we have to teach them to be good and some people don't know how to teach their children any better...it is a sad thing, the world these days..
On a side note with Mcleod, he is currently failing the 4th grade, as he has pretty much skimmed by every grade before this. I don't think that he is going to pass this year.. but we shall see. The school year is almost done and he came in with his last report card from florida and had an F in math... his penmanship is awful, and sentence structure is that of a second grader. Personally I think he should repeat 4th grade, as i thought he should have repeated kindergarten, but Kris refused and wanted him to move on. I still think that he would be much better off right now if he had repeated kindergarten... I think a lot of what bothers me about this situation is that he could do the work if he wanted to or remotely cared about it... but alas that is not the case.. there are more fun things to do than school work, like staring at the wall .. or fiddling with his backpack... of course he is already about a foot taller than all the other kids his age... so I think that makes things a bit more complex .. especially in Kris' eyes, cause if he fails, then he will be REALLY tall compared to all the kids that are a year younger than him.. my guess is by the time he hits 7th grade he will be getting close to if not surpassing 6 ft tall. One thing Mcleod is really good at is being a big brother, he is excellent with Alora, and very helpful in that dept. If only he took as much interest in school he would be making straight A's! He is pretty good with Tristan too, for the most part, but as brothers do they like to aggravate each other and argue at times..
On to the other children,
Tristan is as ornery as ever, he complains about everything and throws fits frequently, mostly cause we give him something to eat that he doesn't want. That can mean anything that isn't chicken nuggets at this point, so obviously we hear him complain A LOT! He has gotten a little better but still has a lot of room for improvement... on the other hand he is very smart.. i still need to help him learn his alphabet but he is doing well with other things.. he shows me frequently that he knows things that i wasn't aware he knew..lol..
Tristan turned 4 in Jan. which means that when we get to WA he will be starting school after the summer there. It will be really cool that Tristan will be going to school in the same state that his dad attended kindergarten. :) I would put him in preschool but I really don't think CA schools are a good place for him to be...
On to Miss Alora, she is growing like a weed! Alora is now 19 months old and I really don't know where all the time went.. she is the smartest kid I have ever met and amazes me everyday with how much she knows and the extent of her vocabulary.. she learns new words on a daily basis and I think it is wonderful.. she is a very loving child and loves to kiss and cuddle you. I am hoping to start working with her soon on shapes and colors along with letters too. I think that she will pick these things up quickly.

All in all things are good, it is nice being a family again, it is just like Kris never left, and the greatest thing of all is that a two month underway that was supposed to take place before our move to WA has now been canceled! I am very happy that we don't have to lose him for so long again! I am also hoping that after we leave WA we will be stationed in Jax so that we can buy a house.. originally we wanted to buy one in Pensacola, but if we buy in jax during a shore duty there is more chance that we can also get jax during a sea command.. and there is no chance of that in pensacola, as there are no ships! lol..

Healthcare "Reform"

Ok, so never in my life have I been much involved with politics but with the electing of the moron Obama and his passing of this crappy healthcare bill I have jumped on the bandwagon... I hate it all.. the healthcare plan is crap.. No one should be forced to pay for something that they cannot afford.. it is ridiculous.. There are free clinics for people that cannot afford healthcare.. there is also medicaid... which is free, and medicare.. which is also free... but instead of using that lets force everyone to buy insurance.. yeah.. good plan.. not!

Allergy meds

Sooooo .. I finally had a girls night out the other day.. first time in.. well .. i don't remember the last time...so anyways.. I have been put on allergy medication, Allegra... it says on the side of the bottle "do not take with alcohol" well, i didn't, I took it the morning before I went out drinking... Welllllll that doesn't exactly work... If you take one of those damn things at all in at least a 24 hour period before you drink .. you will be completely worthless on much less alcohol than it would normally take... I myself can usually handle up to 10 shots.. this time.. i had 5.. and blacked out.. I don't remember over half of the night.. yep.. bad idea.. soooo for future reference for anyone who like me does not realize the seriousness of it.. DO NOT MIX ALLERGY MEDS WITH ALCOHOL! I was so sick the next day you would have thought I drank a whole bottle of liquor!

Friends

Friends come to us for a Reason, a Season, or a Lifetime... I have been blessed in my life to meet many many people some good and some bad.. but all interesting and diverse... There have been few that have stayed with me as true friends over the years and I feel truly blessed to have them in my life. Others have served their purpose in my life and moved on to do other things leaving only small imprints behind... others still have left large imprints and will never be forgotten, yet we still lost touch.. some people leave lasting impressions whether good or bad they certainly make an impact on us.. but it is our choice with the bad ones just how much of an impact we let them have...
I think my point is this ... although people come and go in your life, even the ones that you think are your friends, do not despair ... remember that they have served their purpose and you will meet new people and make new friends and you never know when you are going to meet that person that is going to be around for a lifetime so keep your heart and your eyes open and you will find those great people that will stick with you through anything...

time

Time sure has flown by... I can't believe that I have been in Florida for almost 7 months...the kids have grown by leaps and bounds and I have had the good fortune of getting to know my nieces, who are currently spending my last month and a half here with me...well, at least the youngest two are, I am a bit to boring for the oldest..lol.. :) I am not looking forward to the long drive alone with 3 kids heading out to CA.. but ya gotta do what ya gotta do... I am just hoping that when we get there we will have a place to live quickly... don't want to drive Nicole completely insane while we are in her house.. so i am hoping to have a place the monday after we get there... we got a place the next day last time, so i am hoping for some blessings from God to get the same thing this time... Currently I am taking some really strong antibiotic medication that makes me really dizzy... fun stuff... I hope that the dizziness goes away completely by tomorrow, it has subsided quite a bit... but i still feel strange at times... of course it doesn't help that Alora did not allow me to sleep last night .. she woke up at 430am and didn't want me going back to sleep.. sigh. so now i am exhausted.. and dizzy.. fun..lol.. I am looking forward to 8 pm.. bedtime! the best time of the day! lol.. well, i guess that about covers it... i am working on getting things packed up and mailing some stuff back to CA so that I don't have to try and shove it in my van... anyone want to by some 3T boys clothes and 9-18mth girls clothes?

The Holidays

Whoever said holidays were easy in the first place? But for the Navy Spouse holidays can sometimes seem like a Mt. Everest with no possibility of making it to the top. Deployments are rough, but when they fall during the holidays things just get almost unbearable. One day you are fine and life is just life.. but then you hear a song or someone says something that sparks a memory you have with the love of your life... this can bring you to tears in a matter of moments.. melting you like the sun does the snow.. This isn't my first Christmas or Birthday away from Kris. As a matter of fact our very first Christmas and my birthday as a married couple he was gone .. at boot camp... and i have to say that was the hardest one of all.. with hardly any contact at all I was sad pretty much all the time.. lucky for me back then we only had one child and he was 4 almost 5... and the grandparents were around to do a lot.. This time around though things are a little different .. we have 3 children... and our youngest is 1.. who I work hard with to keep him fresh in her mind.. I don't want to celebrate Christmas without my other half... but I have to do something for the kids.. our real Christmas won't be until daddy comes home though...

So for all of the women who are dealing with deployments this Christmas season.... lots of love to you .. I know it is hard to be alone, especially during the holidays.. I am very thankful for all the friends and family I have here in florida and Ca

Why??

Why must women in the navy treat being on the ship like a dating service? And if you are going to treat it that way why must you go after the married men and not the single! Don't call married men pet names.. it is unprofessional and being on the ship is your job.. not playtime.. Nicknames are different than pet names.. so try not to get confused... I don't care if everyone is calling my husband huggies because our last name is funny and they like to refer to him as a diaper.. whatever.. that is just normal kidding.... not big deal.. However, it is not ok.. to call my husband huggy bear, sweetheart, boo, or any other pet name that you would call someone you are endeared to..