No one has the "right" formula, for that matter, no one does it the same way. All kids are different and need different care. However, I can give you a little bit of insight to some things I have learned over the years. Discipline is essential.. regardless of what kind you decide to use, as long as you are consistent you will not have a wild child on your hands.
I never quite understood the parents that said their child (any age over 1) won't go to sleep or stay in their bed. That was never an option in my house. If you don't make it an option for them, then you won't have them getting up all through the night, or refusing to go to sleep. All of my children go to bed at 8pm. They always have, as soon as they are 7 months old (because I breastfed before that) they sleep in their own rooms, in their own bed and learn to go to sleep on their own. I do not let them fall asleep before I put them to bed. Self soothing is an important thing to learn. As long as you know there is nothing wrong with them, there is no reason for you to go in the room just because they are crying .. kids will try to control you.. if you let them, just don't let them.
I don't know everything (obviously) but I do know that my kids do act much better than many I have come into contact with. Now there are some things we have no control over. Like when our children decide they want to whine about absolutely everything. For instance our middle child who loves to whine all the time about, oh let's see, the food you give him, telling him to get dressed, telling him to go to the bathroom when he has to. . lol.. yeah. .. kids are kids, they are going to be a pain, it will not always be perfect, but there are things you can control. If you want to. My child will not be the one crying because he cannot get a toy at the store, he will not be the one telling me NO! when I tell him to go to bed, he will not be the one getting up in the middle of the night wandering around the house just because he feels like it.
A little bit of discipline goes a long way and be assured that when I am at your house I will not allow my children to run a muck all over the place.. I will not let them get into your stuff.. I will chase them all over the place to make sure this doesn't happen and be respectful of your house and I expect everyone that comes into my house to do the same. If you will not control your child in my house, then I will be forced to control your child and sooner or later I will ask you not to bring them over anymore. I have my own children to control and I really don't want to control yours. I do understand that sometimes the frustration takes over and you just don't feel like trying to control them anymore, but don't make that frustration become someone else's problem. If you want me to help you, then I will, but don't make me do it all. I feel the need to say this mainly because people I have dealt with in the past have brought their children to my house, let them do whatever they want to do and then get angry at me when I say something to their children about destroying my house. Don't get mad at me for telling your brat not to mess up my house! Yes, I said brat, if you let your child run all over the place and refuse to do anything about it, they are going to be a brat. Either do something about it or live with the label. You know the show "the world's strictest parents"? Well the parents of the bad kids, yeah, that is going to be you one day if you don't start controlling your child.
Ok, so that is the end of this rant... lol.. If you got anything out of it I am glad..lol